The Retards
by the real Piemaniac
Summary: this will end out being a six part series so keep checking in too see if there r new chaptersRated T for retardness
1. They stole it?

**The retards Who Stole Christmas**

Piemaniac: This is how me and ducky (AKA the retards) stole Christmas (AKA Christmas) so lets get started shall we?

**At Ironforge**

Piemaniac: you know ducky Christmas is just too happy I think it's quite flappy

Duckydoodles: yes its truly horrible everything is so adorable

Piemaniac: I say we get rid of this beloved holiday follow me right this way

Duckydoodles: what ever you say pie but first I need to kill this guy

Random GM: NO MORE RYMING OR THIS STORY IS GONNA BE BANNED!!!!! 

Piemaniac: dang it

Duckydoodles: dah fine

**At Pie's Secret Anti-Christmas lab**

Duckydoodles: wow you made this thing fast

Piemaniac: no I didn't make it

Duckydoodles: then how did it get here?

Piemaniac: ducky we are in a story remember the guy who writes these is a complete physco so don't question the logic

Duckydoodles: what ever you say pie

Piemaniac: ok first we need a really big bag

Duckydoodles: I have it right here **Pulls out a bag that is big enough to hold all of IF**

Piemaniac: WOAH WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!?!?!?

Duckydoodles: my pocket…

Piemaniac: but how can i….

Duckydoodles: HEY DON'T QUESTION THE LOGIC!!!

Piemaniac: ok what ever now lets go to Ironforge and capture father Christmas and suck the spirit of Christmas from his boots

Duckydoodles: WAIT his boots???

Piemaniac: ya they have the spirit of Christmas in them how do you think they are always so shiny if he is stepping in soot all the time?

Duckydoodles: you know pie u actually made a good point

**After they catch Santa and take him back to the lab**

Piemaniac: ok get the disenchanter ready…

Duckydoodles: k **grabs a random gnome enchanter**

Piemaniac: ok start the machine

Duckydoodles: **bribes the gnome with 20 gold**

**Requires Enchanting 225**

Piemaniac: CRAP!!!! 

Duckydoodles: im on it **grabs a level 70 gnome enchanter**

Piemaniac: ok start the machine

Duckydoodles: ** bribes the gnome by saying he will give him his pants back**

**You receive loot**** [Spirit of Christmas**

Piemaniac: wow that's an orange item…don't see many of those

Duckydoodles: k so what do we do with this spirit of Christmas???

Piemaniac: we put it in a jar and keep it with us at all times and we will be the retards who stole Christmas MUWAHAHAHHAAH 

Duckydoodles: but we haven't done anything retarded yet…

Piemaniac: CRAP WE BETTER DO SOMETHING RETARDED!

**At the land of the retards**

Duckydoodles: why the heck are we here???

Piemaniac: to talk to the almighty…**KING OF RETARDS!!!!!!!  
**

Duckydoodles: did you have to shout??? 

Piemaniac: sry im just excited

**At the king of the Retards castle**

Piemaniac: oh great king of the retards what retarded thing should we do???? 

Duckydoodles: oh come on its just some random rock sitting on a throne

Both Ducky and Pie: RANDOM ROCK!!!!!!!

Random Rock: BARK!

Piemaniac: OMG it is him he is that fatty who ran off and married dragons tights

Duckydoodles: OK THAT'S IT! THIS STORY IS ALREADY RETARDED SO IM ENDING IT NOW!!!!

**In the narrators box**

Piemaniac: well that was a very… abrupt end to this story but why did you end it ducky??? 

Duckydoodles: well cuz it was getting way to retarded and cuz there was a cart full of doughnuts going by **Continues gorging self on doughnuts**

Piemaniac: ummm ducky if you eat too many of those you'll turn into a fatty like that rock

Random Rock: I HEARD THAT

Piemaniac: RUN AWAYYYYYY!!!!!!111

**!!!!!!!!!!!!ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Authors Notes**

Ok first Teras u may want to get a barf bag for the next chapter in that series shadowDragon your review didn't really make sense but oh well and Krystin you cant burn tights or put a soul in them also why did you change ur name?????


	2. They Gave it Back?

**The Retards Who Gave Christmas Back**

Piemaniac: ok either the guy making these stories is an idiot or...A GENIUSE! That phrase is ducky's and so is the breaking the soul shard and teleporting us idea read his stories penname: Duckydoodles

**At Pie's secret anti Christmas lab**

Duckydoodles: ok pie listen this is just stupid we should give the spirit of Christmas back or else there is just some fat guy sitting in that chair out there

Piemaniac: hmmm I see ur point ducky… ok lets go give it back to that fatty

**They start walking towards the fatty in the chair but ducky drop one of his soul shards and pie slips breaking it**

**Read ducky's stories for what happens when they break**

Piemaniac: where the BLEEP are we

Duckydoodles: HEY PIE U WERENT CENSORED cept for the story writing part

Piemaniac: OMG ducky ur right…we must be in a different game…also you need to pick up those soul shards I got a recipe for ur tailor to make you a soul bag

Duckydoodles: PWNZORED!

Metro-Cop: Halt citizen

Piemaniac: is he talking to us?

Duckydoodles: don't think so why don't you start walking again

Piemaniac: kk

**Pie starts walking and the metro cop hits him with a stun stick**

Piemaniac: WTF! WHY THE MARY MOO COW DID THAT FREAKING COP HIT ME WITH HIS POPO STICK?!?!?!!?!? 

Duckydoodles: first WHAT THE HECK IS MARY MOO COW????? Second IT'S A STUN STICK! And third IT'S A METRO-COP!

Piemaniac: fine fine….noob

Duckydoodles: so we are in half-life eh?

Piemaniac: nope garrys mod

Duckydoodles: how do you know?

Piemaniac: cuz I can open up the little menu window

Duckydoodles: oh…

Piemaniac: HEY THIS HAS ALL THE MODS I HAVE OH YA! **Shoots a banana starting the banana phone song**

Duckydoodles: ok I need to get out of here before he makes us lag out with to much crap

Piemaniac: why don't we just esplode ur whole bag of soul shards?

Duckydoodles: because… well…umm….HEY PIE JUST HAD A GOD IDEA!!!!

Piemaniac: what ever LETS ESPLODE IT!** Fills ducky's bag with explosive barrel and sets the on fire then runs away**

Duckydoodles: wait a second CRAP CANT GET BAG OFF!!!! **Gets esploded**

**At Half life**

Piemaniac: Crap!

**At OH LETS STAY HERE NOOO**

Strongbad: GET THIS FREAKIN PIE AWAY FROM ME!!!

**At pie's house in RL**

Piemaniac: ok let's grab some frozen grapes before we get sucked away

Duckydoodles: YUM!

**At Ironforge**

Piemaniac: FINALLY!

Duckydoodles: ok lets give this freaking jar back

Metro-cop: Halt citizen

Piemaniac: CRAP!!!!!

Dragonpiie: **takes off metro cop costume** LOL im just messing with ya

Piemaniac: dragon…I hate u

Dragonpiie: YAY I got that warm fuzzy feeling inside….NOW DIE!!!!!!** Pulls out two two handed weapons that are really big**

Piemaniac: THAT'S VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBAL!!!!!! **Runs away with drag chasing him**

Duckydoodles: ok then ill just give this sprit of Christmas back to this patuate **throws the jar at Santa hitting him on the head killing him but having the spirit fall onto some random gnome**

Random gnome: I FEEL THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!!!** Gets fat and starts sitting in a chair being lazy all day**

**In the narrators box**

Piemaniac: never want to do that again **puts last bandage on**

Duckydoodles: ya but I did this cool souvenir **starts to play with a popo stick dropping it on pie shocking him**

Piemaniac: this was quite a SHOCKING experience…We had a most ENLIGHTINING adventure…we…

Duckydoodles: OK NO MORE ELECTRICITY PUNS!

**!!!!!!!!!!!ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Author's notes**

Ok shadowDragon I know how you feel I like not making any sense at all too but of course the story would be retarded I mean the series is called The Retards see the connection? Ok the next part in this series is called: The Retards get put in straight jackets


	3. straight jackets!

**The retards get put in straight jackets**

Pie and ducky's doctor: this story comes from the hospital hidden inside of some tauren's underpants…

Piemaniac: OK DOC how the heck did you fit an entire hospital in a tauren's underpants?

Doc: it's a fatty?

Piemaniac: IS It THAT GNOME!?!?!!?

Doc: no that's gnome…..

Piemaniac: DAH START THE STORY!

**At Ironforge**

Piemaniac: you know my life feels slightly empty without anything to do…

Duckydoodles: same but why do the stories always start in IF????

Piemaniac: im really not sure

**Meanwhile in real life**

Dragonpiie: OMG THIS BOX OF PANCAKE MIX IS UBER 1337 **begins playing with the pancake mix box**

**Back In IF**

Duckydoodles: pie why the crap did you put that in the story?

Piemaniac: cuz he really was doing it at the time…

Duckydoodles: ummm errrrr ok then I won't look at drag the same ever again will you pie….pie…PIE WERE R YOU!!!! 

Piemaniac: HELP I THINK IT'S THE POPO IM BLINDFOLDED!!!!

Duckydoodles: no pie that's just the people from the kookoo house…WAIT THE KOOKOO HOUSE!** Gets blindfolded and dragged away**

**At The KOOKOO house**

**Pie and ducky wake up to find themselves in straight jackets covered in pancake mix**

Teras: hey guys how do you feel

Piemaniac: constricted

Duckydoodles: pancaked

Piemaniac: and those little dresses they put u in while you get put in the straight jacket is much more revealing then they look

Teras: KEWL IM GONNA GO GET ONE!

Piemaniac: ok time to start to try and dig out with our noses

Duckydoodles: k

**A few minutes later**

Teras: HEY GUYS IM BACK! 

Krystinkae: OH….MY…GOD!

Piemaniac: hey Krystin how did you get in here?

Krystinkae: ummm im here every Wednesday

Duckydoodles: but its Tuesday….

Krystinkae: your point?

Piemaniac: dah what ever time to scream in pain

All: OH MY GOD MY EYES THEY BURN BEAT THE IMAGES OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!1

Teras: ok guys I got to go to the bathroom

**At the bathroom**

**Teras opens a stall door**

Teras: WHY THE CRAP SI THE TOILET FILLED WITH PANCAKE BATTER!!!!!!

Dragonpiie: **shoves Teras into the pancake batter **good thing nobody knows I put ducky and pie in straight jackets cuz if they did my job as a male nurse would be destroyed

**Back in pie and ducky's room**

Piemaniac: hey drag what's for dinner?

Dragonpiie: Teras flavored pancakes…

Duckydoodles: YUM **devours the pancakes**

Dragonpiie: made with real Teras..

Piemaniac: … ducky u just ate a guildie

Duckydoodles: KEWL!

**Cennas enters**

Duckydoodles: YAY DESERT! **Devours Cennas**

Piemaniac: he is gonna feel that in the morning

Duckydoodles: who cares?

**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Author's notes**

WARNING!!! The pancake mix will be a reoccurring joke and Teras…. I can make those shocky paddles…its just that they are not safe MUWHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH


	4. THE ESCAPE!

**The Retards escape!!!!!**

Piemaniac: HI GUYS!!!!!! Ya you guys in the reviews you guys are probably gonna nag me for taking for ever to write a new story so im just gonna go ahead and say it now so I don't have to reply…. YOU GUYS ARE SUCH A PATUATE!!!!!!!

**At the happy house**

Piemaniac: okey dokey then now that the started credits are over WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE I CANT STAND ANY MORE TERAS FLAVORED PANCAKES!!!!

Duckydoodles: really? Cuz I love them **gnaws on pie's leg**

Piemaniac: DUCKY THAT'S MY…. Dah forget it

Duckydoodles: YUMMY PANCAKES!!!!!

Dragonpiie: GIMME MY PANCAKE MIX BOX!!!** Mauls cennas as he trys to leave with a box of pancake mix**

Cennas: **dies**

Piemaniac: DUCKY I GOT AN IDEA!!!!! Ok we trick someone into trying to leave with a pancake mix box then we gnaw out of our straight jackets and make a run for it..

Duckydoodles: k

**A few minutes later**

Piemaniac: well lets have some fun with this :D HEY ILLFINDU OVER HERE YOU WANT A PANCAKE MIX BOX?? 

Illfindu: sure but I still hate you…..

_Piemaniac has been kicked form crude spectre_

Piemaniac: IM NOT EVEN IN CRUDE!!!!! … Dah what ever

Dragonpiie: ILLFINDU GIMME MY PANCAKE MIX BOX!!!! 

Illfindu: AHHHHHHHHHHH HELP A DWARF IS AFTER ME AHHHHHHHHH 

**A high speed chase out of the building begins**

Piemaniac: ok now then let's gnaw out of these straight jackets...** pie begins to chew on his straight jacket**

Duckydoodles: k done

Piemaniac: HOW DID YOU GET OUT SO FAST?!??!?!?!?!

Duckydoodles: oh I just used this medieval shotgun that was in my pants (see the tale of two towers By Duckydoodles)

Piemaniac: ok what ever just get me out of here….

Duckydoodles: kk **he shoots pie out of his straight jacket**

**You see pie full of holes**

Duckydoodles: that is gonna hurt in the morning

Piemaniac: ... Yes yes it will

Piemaniac: ok what ever lets get out of here….

Duckydoodles: k but first there is something I need to do

**At the check in desk**

Duckydoodles: DIE MONGRELS!!!! **He shoots the receptionist**

Piemaniac: DUCKY WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!!

Duckydoodles: well they have internet access but they wouldn't let us use it

Piemaniac: YOU'RE RIGHT!!!!! Ducky… gimme the shot gun **after receiving the shot gun pie repeatedly shoots the receptionist**

**At pie's secret anti happy house lab**

Duckydoodles: THAT'S IT **ducky rips down the sign and replaces it with**

**At pie's not secret super happy fun play house **

Piemaniac: OH MY GOD THERE IS A SUPER HAPPY FUN PLAY HOUSE!?!?!?!? WHERE IS IT DUCKY WERE!!!!!

Duckydoodles: pie you get stupider and stupider everyday

Piemaniac: so do you potato :D

**IN the narrators box**

Piemaniac: if you think that this one is lame then don't blame me its cuz I haven't written in awhile and if you think its awesome then its cuz I had it all building up in my head

Duckydoodles: pie….you know what its easier to explain with my actions **ducky hits pie on the head with a popo stick knocking him out **THATS ALL FOLKES!!!

**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Author's notes**

ok people yes ment does have mind control while in cat form… and if you want me to write a second chapter in ment and her mind control powers then please leave that in reviews THANK YOU AND REMEMBER don't eat yer hearthstone!!!!


End file.
